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Advice, Features

Ask a Sexologist: Arousal, orgasms, and ejaculation

Resident sexologist Richelle Menzies answers more reader questions from the bedroom.

Missing money shots

I am a 65-year-old man who has been happily married to my wife for 41 years. 

Our sex life has always been good, although it’s not as frequent as it used to be – maybe once a week or less. 

When we do have sex, I try to make it as enjoyable as possible: often a massage followed by cunnilingus, where my wife will sit on my face and have multiple orgasms. I enjoy that as well. 

After, we have vaginal sex, and I’ve found that recently I haven’t been able to have an orgasm, even though I’ve had an erection. 

I’m a little frustrated to say the least and not sure what I should do. Can you help with any ideas?

– Facesitting Fan

sex sexologist couple

I am a man who would like advice on what I can do about difficulty in reaching ejaculation. 

It sometimes takes way too long or doesn’t happen at all. 

Do you have any advice on what might be going on and how I could address it?

­– Dry Spell

Dear Dry Spell and Facesitting Fan,

I am going to answer your questions together because they are about similar issues: inability or delay in ejaculation. I am not sure how old you are, Dry Spell, but certainly for Facesitting Fan, this is quite common with age.

As the body ages, the circulation changes, erections can become softer and not last as long, and ejaculation can take longer or not happen at all.

Other things to consider with any erectile or ejaculatory issues include heart conditions or diabetes that can affect circulation, prostate or testosterone issues, or some medications.

I suggest a visit to the GP to rule out any physical issues. If no physical or medication cause is found, then it may be the natural aging process or a psychological issue.

It is important to focus on pleasure in all its forms to remove the pressure.

Orgasms and ejaculation do not always go hand in hand, and in some tantric practices, the focus is on feeling orgasms without ejaculation. This might be something to explore.

A swell time

I have a question of female biology, based on curiosity. 

I would like to know if it is normal for the areolas and nipples to swell when aroused. Is swelling by about 50% a typical amount?

– Female Breast Inspector

Dear Female Breast Inspector,

Simply put, yes. This is a natural sign of arousal in people with nipples, no matter their gender.

The nipples will swell and then go hard. This can happen due to the increase in blood flow during arousal.

Send your anonymous questions about sex, gender, and relationships to Ask a Sexologist.

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